The Problem with Platitudes
A lack of feedback can feel a bit like playing for an empty stadium. You may have no detractors, but you also have no fans.
Photo by David Straight on Unsplash
I’m probably more guilty than anyone else of following the rule that seems passed through generations: “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.” But while being heartfelt and kind is super important to me, I’ve come to believe that silence is not golden—particularly when silence is a replacement for honest feedback.
The truth is, when we avoid giving honest feedback out of a desire to be “nice,” we’re not really being kind at all. We’re sugarcoating the truth, or worse, being disingenuous in our silence. And as someone who has been on the receiving end of this kind of “kindness,” I can tell you firsthand that it’s far more hurtful than a piece of constructive criticism delivered with care and respect.
The Value of Constructive Criticism
Both personally and professionally, I believe that when it comes to feedback, honesty really is the best policy. And while it may not always be easy to hear, honesty helps reinforce my worldview and my understanding of my place in it—infield, outfield, or somewhere in outerspace.
Think about it: when someone takes the time to give us specific, actionable feedback on how we can improve, they’re showing us that they care about our growth and success. They’re investing in us, even if it means having a difficult conversation or risking a temporary blow to our ego.
Constructive criticism helps us see ourselves more clearly. It shines a light on our blind spots and challenges us to confront areas where we may be falling short. It gives us the opportunity to learn, to adapt, and to become better versions of ourselves.
The Art of Giving Feedback
No one’s perfect, and I’m not going to say I have the answer here. But I think we can all agree that creating a safe space, avoiding biases, and treating each other with empathy and respect are going to be key to any feedback model.
Creating a safe and supportive space for open dialogue means listening, asking questions, seeking to understand the other person’s perspective, and being open to the possibility that we may not have all the answers. It also means focusing on behaviors and outcomes, rather than personal attributes or character traits.
Above all, we should deliver feedback with empathy and reciprocity. What are we doing that could be contributing to the problem? How can we help provide the support needed?
Of course, even with these principles in mind, giving and receiving honest feedback can be messy. It means being willing to have tough conversations, to confront our own biases and blind spots, and to risk being seen as “difficult” or “demanding.”
But the alternative—a culture of silence, platitudes, and avoidance—is far worse. Because at the end of the day, I want to become the best version of myself—beyond my own echo chamber. Your feedback, whether it feels positive or negative, is highly likely to make my day more navigable, my work more doable, my art more appreciated, and ultimately, both of our lives better.
